Let’s talk depression
For the past couple of weeks I haven't been feeling myself but that doesn't mean I stop trying to get back to 100%. I try to be open and as transparent as possible when it comes to the struggles of having ADD & Anxiety & Depression. They go hand-in-hand, sooner or later it creeps up on you without a warning and it's up to me to pull myself out of it.
Why was I depressed? Sometimes there's a reason, sometimes no particular thing. This time, I made sure to have as many of my kids friends over to keep my house full and distracted as to why mom was staying in her room more, keeping to herself. You see, my house is only about 1,500 sq. ft. so when there is that many coming in and out I can still hear their silly conversations that make me laugh and their sweet laughs that almost make me cry because they’re priceless. How does this help me pull out of it? Let me explain…
Like I said before, it’s been about a month that I’ve been off. This past weekend my oldest son(who just turned 14!!) had his first school dance. He is my child that struggles with ADD & Depression as well and I’ve always worried about him because he hasn’t always had a ton of friends outside of the neighborhood. We’ve lived in our neighborhood for 3 years now and I finally feel like he has a life with other kids from school which is HUGE! I volunteered to have 5 teenage boys and their moms to come over before the dance on Friday to take photos and after the dance they were all staying with me. I know, call me crazy. Aside from that, my youngest son has been dying to hang out with his school best friend so I invited him and his mother over as well so we could go to dinner and get to know each other while the big kids are at the dance. REMINDER: When I’m down, the last thing I want to do is be around people. TIP: When you surround yourself with the right people, they’re the ones that pull you out of it.
So here it is 5:30pm and the dance starts at 6. One of the other moms are taking all of them so I can pick up. As I stood there in my front yard I paused for a moment, looked around at everything going on around me, and almost cried. You see, part of my stress and anxiety with my oldest is the fear that he won’t find a strong tribe that is a good influence on him throughout his high school years. I push him to go outside of his comfort zone all the time but here it is, it’s happening! Granted, I’m the one that coordinated all of this via group mom text BUT, it happened and my kiddo is so happy. All of us moms were smiling and telling me the same thing…they’re kids were struggling planning stuff with other school friends too. It was a relief for all of us and the best part is that we all got along and I see us having a strong friendship too.
After we took the photos I rushed to dinner with my youngest son, his best friend from school and his mother. Dinner was a hit! We instantly clicked and after a ton of laughs and “ah-ha” moment’s I soon found out that she struggles with the same thing. At times, possibly more than me. She gets bad anxiety when it comes to meeting new people and allowing her kids to visit others but she said I totally helped ease her fears. She said she’s never met someone so open and transparent about their emotions and struggles and it made her feel so much more relaxed that she could trust me and let her vulnerable side show.
As the night came to a close, I picked all the kids up from the dance and they were CRAZY HYPER and had so many stories and photos to show me. Once we got home we had a nerf war until about midnight then I retreated to my bedroom while they stayed up until who knows how late playing video games. In the morning, they all helped clean up the mess they all made and each one always says “yes ma’am and no ma’am.” They are gems!
Saturday, I have nothing excited to update you on. I was on Recovery mode! Sunday, the boys and I tried out a new church that our other good neighbors go to. We haven’t been in about 2 months and it was just what the doctor ordered.
As I've gotten older I've learned the signs and how to pull myself out of it sooner than later while trying to teach my oldest how to fight through it at times.
I'm beyond blessed to have my boys and those in my life that are always there for me. Being a single mom of two with no family close by to help has its challenges but thanks to my amazing neighborhood of friends they make it a lot easier. I struggle to ask for help and after 3 years of being here they know if I don't answer calls or text they have a code to get into my house and they aren't shy to pop in. For that, I will forever be grateful.
Check on your friends that say they're always fine and never ask for anything. For so long, I hid my thoughts and emotions for so long because that’s how I was raised. I was told keep it in because no employer wants to hire someone with those “issues” because you are a liability. Little did my parents know, these are actually super powers to me. If you knew me, you would understand. Wink Wink!
Sending Love to Everyone!
-Jurenka
